2019 brought its struggles and challenges. It also brought insight and happiness. It brought us Dakota Bear, Little Mali Girl one year older, and Whiskey got a dog sister. I have discovered what real strength means. I discovered who my people really are, and how I appreciate those in my life more than ever before.
I lost friends, acquaintances, and family. I was jolted by the losses that were unexpected, sad, and quite frankly fucking unfair. It feels like years have passed in only a few short months of 2019. I’m sitting here counting the hours until this year is over solely because the sudden jolts of loss caused pain and confusion. I have grown from these jolts. I have joined a unique club of dealing with grief. It’s been awakening from every angle. Mostly from who has been there for me, who I let be there for me, and those who have picked me up when I needed it the most.
I will forever remember 2019 as a year of loss which translated to a year of friendships. You know how everyone posts those memes and quotes of leaving people behind?
You don’t truly understand them until you experience your lowest low, and when you think it’s your lowest low – it gets lower. And those people that are still there…those are your people, everyone else is just taking up space.
My half-ass effort is everyone else’s 80 percent.
I got a promotion this month. One that may be unpopular, but one that took me years to get. I have a tendency of working hard even when I don’t want to. My half-ass effort is everyone else’s 80 percent. I credit gymnastics for it – and my father. We are wired to work, even when we don’t want to. This isn’t a company I want to be with forever, but I feel accomplished knowing my hard work (or half-ass work) paid off.
I went through a lot this year that was hard to bounce back from. It took a lot of crying, screaming, and recovering. It took support from Michael, my family, and close friends. It took a month of sobriety and trying to find a new therapist. It took people not recognizing what was going on, to open my eyes to what was actually going on.
When I didn’t let people in, I let the worst out.
I’m looking forward to 2020. I’m looking forward to my 30s. I’m looking forward to getting out of our one-bedroom apartment, getting another dog (don’t tell Michael), and working on myself.
I’m ready to bust my ass for myself, others that need me, and to stay exceptionally informed on how my people are doing.
Cheers to y’all and cheers to 2020!