Where We Stand

The adjectives ‘long’ and ‘trying’ don’t even begin to describe this summer.

It’s often hard and confusing to know what to write when it comes to our relationship. One, because it’s ours and two, where is the line and how do I not cross it?

Michael and I have been in a funk. It has been a rocky couple of months. Not in the sense of on the verge of breaking up, but battling through life and the uncertainty of it all has worn on us.

He’s onto bigger and better career opportunities (hello Jamba!) and I’m struggling with career identity, body image issues, trying to be a person people can lean on, and recovering from the jolt of sudden loss and all that comes with it.

We are flawed humans trying to coexist.

Not every relationship is perfect. We are flawed humans trying to coexist. With my short fuse and him being fun-employed, you can cut the tension with a knife at times. My reactions are heated and unnecessary. He can be lazy and distracted. There is constant room for improvement. Most of the time we don’t know how to improve, but go through the motions anyway. He drives me crazy and I him, but we have built this whole…thing. A whole big, crazy, unorganized, beautiful relationship. We try to be each other’s biggest cheerleaders, but at times are each other’s biggest critics. We try to stay positive and smile, but (I) cry and we are cranky.

The idea that everything will be okay pushes me forward when everything is not okay. Sometimes I wake up and really don’t grasp how lucky I am to have him and our chaotic life. I forget to appreciate most things. I forget a lot.

I don’t stand still often enough to look around me and feel happy or accomplished. I don’t stand still often enough to appreciate him and how hard he works. I need to work on that. We all probably need to work on that.

I am writing this so you understand that not everything is going well. If it’s not going well for you…stop, breathe, appreciate, keep going. Everything will be okay.

~S

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