Oh the possibilities, right? Sometimes I feel as if I’m hanging on by a thread, and maybe I am. Hanging on to hope, dreams, the possibility of someday waking up and all of the time spent will be time *well* spent.
That maybe things could be different.
Does that make me hopeful or just plain stupid?
Third, fourth, fifth, sixth…I mean how many times do you have to repeat a mistake until you’re defined as insensible, ruthless, and pitiful?
For me…24, at least.
I’d rather try 24 times than regret not trying at all. At least that’s a good excuse for my feelings.
It’s exhausting at times. It’s painful too. But it’s also a worthy cause to fight for.
Or maybe it’s not…
Maybe the more worthy cause is to forgive, forget, let go, and move on.
I guess it depends on what kind of second chance I’m talking about. A second chance for myself, or a second chance for someone else.
In this case, I don’t know whose it is anymore. I deserve it, right? After all, I have always persevered. Maybe that holds zero value. It will ultimately hold zero value if a second chance is forthcoming. That’s a clean slate. That’s being able to begin again. Am I worthy of that after all the mistakes I’ve made? The many, countless mistakes not only in the past year, but my entire adult life leading up to this moment that has inevitably led me down this path?
This seeming impossible path of everyday life that, at times, makes me want to stay in bed 24/7.
I guess I’ve learned that sometimes the decision isn’t always in your hands. Your fate lies in all sorts of places. It could be disguised as a consequence, a miracle, or a blessing. And quite possibly the answer you never want to hear is the one that will propel you to greater things.