I was left a comment on my last post and I pulled this particular phrase out. “I’m very sorry…you are struggling to relate to the real world beyond the foam pit.” I was angry when I initially read it, then I wasn’t. Maybe they had a point. It led me to post this one about happiness that I’ve been working on for weeks, and inspired me to finish it.
After retiring from gymnastics I had been coaching full time for over 2 years, and I was over it. I was also freelancing for Georgia Public Broadcasting, which I still do and is always stressful. Two jobs, no clue what I wanted to do, and slowly crumbling mentally. A few personal blows caused me to hit rock bottom in April. I could only see the bad, the negative, and the ugly.
I felt bad for myself, which is embarrassing to admit.
I knew time would help, but I wasn’t sure when. Finally, December arrived and I was relaxed. Relaxed for the first time in over 8 months. Relaxed because I was finally able to let it be. There are things we can’t control, and sometimes you need something or someone to prove that to you.
Happiness is such a relative state of mind.
Everyone defines happiness differently. What happiness is to me may be completely different of what happiness is to you.
It’s a long road…
When Ralph Waldo Emerson said,
“Life is a journey, not a destination.”
I didn’t really buy into that until now. It’s not about getting to one singular moment and finally being happy. It’s about finding happiness in all the bullshit too. To somehow twist some sick scenario that happens to you into something, dare I say, beautiful?
I’m writing, working a lot, traveling, in a job that I like, and have moved into a new place. I’m not even thinking about tomorrow while I’m choosing myself over anyone. As I sit here and think about all of it, I feel successful. I am proud of who and what I’ve become even though I’m not anywhere close to where I want to be. I still don’t know if I want this to be my “career” or when my next move will be. That’s the cool thing about the so-called journey. You don’t know what will happen next! I’m pretty sure I’m finding myself and relating to the “real” world nicely outside of the foam pit.
I am not afraid of the doors that will close in order for others to open.
I have, over a long period of time, become happy again. I’ve never been one to rely on others and be emotional about anything. That changed this year, and I didn’t like it. That’s never been my way of life – and I have gymnastics to thank, or blame, for that. Lately, I let everything fall where it is meant to fall. I’m excited for what lies ahead and don’t give a shit about what, or who, is left behind.